"God is in the hard stuff"

This is the title of a book I've been perusing the last couple of days. It was written by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz. It's been good to be reminded of several truths when we face difficulty in life. One of the sections in the book was on marriage. Here are several things that I couldn't get out of my head.

"When a marriage begins to disintegrate, there is friction between the spouses. That dislocation of the relationship is always difficult to endure, but both individuals know that it will happen. The often unexpected and unarticulated pain of marriage difficulties comes from a sense of disillusionment. At some point, each spouse will come to the shocking realization that their romantic dreams of matrimonial bliss are totally unrealistic. The wife is dejected because she had envisioned a continued courtship with lasting, loving attention from the man she married; this is now just a dashed dream. The husband is disconsolate because he has not received the love and respect he had assumed would always be forthcoming from his bride; the stark reality of it all hurts."

Wow. It's good for me to be reminded that I often romanticize my marriage and how that is just a disillusion. As a little girl, I grew up reading fairy tale stories and wishing that one day, I too would live happily ever after. It never will be like those romantic stories. Because we are sinners, and we marry sinners, we will never have a perfect relationship. If we love God first we are able to love our spouse like God would.

"Whether a marriage is irrevocably broken or still hanging together by a thread, it is important to realize that a person's needs will never be completely fulfilled by a spouse. That is an unreasonable-and impossible-expectation. While a loving spouse can be supportive in many ways, only God can provide you with a sense of worth and wholeness. Don't expect a spouse to provide what is available only from God."

For me, that is a reminder I need to hear. My first and foremost love should be to God. My husband comes second and my child third. It's difficult to keep that in balance.

Here are some good summary points from the end of the chapter:

-"God should be the love of your life."

-"A good marriage won't happen unless you get a divorce from yourself.
You can't love God or your spouse if you love yourself more."

-"Don't be desperate to get married. Be desperate for God."

Some good reminders about marriage whether you are married or not.