moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation?

"Every marriage is either moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation." this was the first point i read when i opened my book at the Weekend to Remember conference. wow! that was convicting. i knew i was in for an honest look at marriage and myself as i entered the weekend.

we had terrific speakers. Dennis and Jill Eenigenburg and Bobby Conway. i appreciated their openness and their desire to see couples grow and see marriages restored.

the first topic discussed was "Why Marriages Fail". several ideas were shared on the threats that work against our marriages today.

the first was difficult adjustments as you come into marriage. things like backgrounds, motivations and expectations can cause rifts.

the second was our culture. our culture tends to emphasize relationships should be 50/50. that causes us to have more of a performance based relationships.

thirdly, there are always going to be difficulties in life...our response to difficulties will either drive us apart or bind us together.

the fourth threat that was discussed blew my mind. the speaker got up and said something along the lines of "everyone in this room has had an extramarital affair". whoa! what are you talking about? he was quick to elaborate. "an extramarital affair is an escape from reality or a search for fulfillment outside of marriage." wow! once again...straight to the heart. how convicting is that?!? we all could say we are guilty of that. whether it be our activities, materialism, careers, family, fantasies or a love affair. we try to live for the next best thing that will bring happiness and fulfillment. we are seduced into believing that we deserve complete fulfillment and perfect happiness (lie!). one of the things i know i spend too much time on and escape to is facebook. you can spend hours reading people's postings and looking at pictures all in the name of catching up and keeping in contact with loved ones. but when the hours pass and meals aren't made and laundry isn't done and our families aren't taken care of...what do we have? we have put something else in place of our husband...our children...we are guilty of an affair.

lastly, the fifth threat discussed was selfishness. we all are self-centered and have the tendency to be destructive in our relationships. it seems the longer we're married the less we give. early in our relationship we are more than eager to give approval and appreciation but after we're comfortable...we no longer seem to care. our selfishness robs our relationship of its romance because we are focusing on ourselves and becoming critical of our spouse's weaknesses, mistakes and failures to meet our expectations.

whew...just reading and looking at these points again have me out of breath. it's a workout. a relationship workout. marriage is work...hard work. up to this point in my life, marriage has been the hardest thing i've done but i wouldn't trade it for anything, for through it i've experienced the unconditional love my Heavenly Father has for me and has for my husband. i've learned to love more like Christ because of His love for me. and i have had the opportunity to have a closer and more meaningful relationship with my Savior than ever before.