my spouse is my gift

I'm continuing to review my notes from the Weekend to Remember getaway and just read some good reminders about God's plan and purpose for marriage.

Every marriage paints a picture...either we reflect God's image or we don't. When it comes down to it, our marriage is not about us. It's about Him. God's plan in marriage is that we would complete one another so that we may experience companionship. I love the description used in Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."


Another one of God's plans for marriage is so we will carry on a godly legacy. When we are gone from this earth, we will leave a legacy. The question is, what kind of a legacy will you leave?

God's plan in marriage is for us to leave, cleave and become one flesh. We need to receive our spouse as a gift from God. He is the one that gave our spouse to us. That means warts and all. They are a gift!

When we are being selfless in our relationships we are exhibiting what Christ has done for us. When we get our focus off of ourselves and what we think is deserved happiness, we discover what true sacrifice, commitment, and Christ-likeness is all about.

you talkin' to me??

one of my favorite parts of the Weekend to Remember was on communication. i'm sure it's no surprise that i like to talk! so learning more about my style of communication and how my spouse communicates was a great help.



we had a lot of fun discussing the various ways people communicate:

land-the-plane vs. enjoy-the-ride

land-the-plane communicators want to find the shortest path to the goal. the destination is their goal.

enjoy-the-ride communicators think you might as well relax and enjoy the ride. the trip itself is what it's all about.

share-your-feelings vs. just-the-facts

share-your-feelings communicators feel deeply about what they communicate. for them emotions are simply a part of thinking.

just-the-facts communicators set aside emotions for logic, reason, and fact. for them, emotions interfere with good thinking.

thinking-out-loud vs. let's-take-turns

thinking-out-loud communicators ask questions and make comments as soon as the thought occurs-even if the other person happens to be talking at the time. for them, conversation is a group activity.

let's-take-turns communicators use the principle of justice and fair play to govern communication. conversations are simple: first you talk, and then i talk.

so in each grouping what kind of communicator are you? i know we had a lot of fun discovering our style...it was pretty easy to figure out!

like i mentioned earlier, i like to talk. so this next step of communication does come a little harder for me. i have to really work at listening. we were given 4 tips to encourage better listening skills.

1. give focused attention
2. listen with acceptance and understanding
3. ask clarifying questions; make summarizing statements
4. focus on what is being said, not the way it is being said

i think out of the 4 points the one i need to work on the most is giving focused attention. in our world today there are so many distractions. technology is one of those distractions for me. it's easy to be pulled into sending text messages or emails instead of calling or talking in person and even when you spend time in person you can be playing on your cell phones, laptops and not have a solid conversation. we have lost the art of effective communication.

one of the last points discussed was on communicating in a way that expresses ourselves well. to express ourselves in an effective way we need to think before we speak, realize that not everything we are feeling needs to be expressed, ask to make sure we are being understood and speak in a way that encourages.

what great reminders for me. i don't always think before i speak which would eliminate a lot of conflict in my own relationships! i also have the tendency to say a lot of what i feel without filtering. i definitely need to work on my speaking filter!

proverbs 10:19 says, "when there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

i need this verse tattooed on my hand!

how do you communicate? how do you speak? listen?

"let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. " ephesians 4:29

criticism tears down but encouragement and grace lifts up...

moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation?

"Every marriage is either moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation." this was the first point i read when i opened my book at the Weekend to Remember conference. wow! that was convicting. i knew i was in for an honest look at marriage and myself as i entered the weekend.

we had terrific speakers. Dennis and Jill Eenigenburg and Bobby Conway. i appreciated their openness and their desire to see couples grow and see marriages restored.

the first topic discussed was "Why Marriages Fail". several ideas were shared on the threats that work against our marriages today.

the first was difficult adjustments as you come into marriage. things like backgrounds, motivations and expectations can cause rifts.

the second was our culture. our culture tends to emphasize relationships should be 50/50. that causes us to have more of a performance based relationships.

thirdly, there are always going to be difficulties in life...our response to difficulties will either drive us apart or bind us together.

the fourth threat that was discussed blew my mind. the speaker got up and said something along the lines of "everyone in this room has had an extramarital affair". whoa! what are you talking about? he was quick to elaborate. "an extramarital affair is an escape from reality or a search for fulfillment outside of marriage." wow! once again...straight to the heart. how convicting is that?!? we all could say we are guilty of that. whether it be our activities, materialism, careers, family, fantasies or a love affair. we try to live for the next best thing that will bring happiness and fulfillment. we are seduced into believing that we deserve complete fulfillment and perfect happiness (lie!). one of the things i know i spend too much time on and escape to is facebook. you can spend hours reading people's postings and looking at pictures all in the name of catching up and keeping in contact with loved ones. but when the hours pass and meals aren't made and laundry isn't done and our families aren't taken care of...what do we have? we have put something else in place of our husband...our children...we are guilty of an affair.

lastly, the fifth threat discussed was selfishness. we all are self-centered and have the tendency to be destructive in our relationships. it seems the longer we're married the less we give. early in our relationship we are more than eager to give approval and appreciation but after we're comfortable...we no longer seem to care. our selfishness robs our relationship of its romance because we are focusing on ourselves and becoming critical of our spouse's weaknesses, mistakes and failures to meet our expectations.

whew...just reading and looking at these points again have me out of breath. it's a workout. a relationship workout. marriage is work...hard work. up to this point in my life, marriage has been the hardest thing i've done but i wouldn't trade it for anything, for through it i've experienced the unconditional love my Heavenly Father has for me and has for my husband. i've learned to love more like Christ because of His love for me. and i have had the opportunity to have a closer and more meaningful relationship with my Savior than ever before.

my weekend to remember

recently my husband and i had the privilege to attend a Weekend to Remember by FamilyLife. i didn't know what to expect or what we were getting into, but i just prayed that we would have open hearts to receive what we heard. besides, it was a weekend getaway! who doesn't want one of those?!?!

the theme of the weekend was "oneness". Merriam Webster defines oneness as:

the quality or state or fact of being one: singleness: integrity, wholeness: harmony: sameness, identity: unity, union

what great words to describe what we should have in a marriage. each session was poignant and powerful. some of the topics included:

why marriages fail
communication
intimacy
unlocking the mystery of marriage
what every marriage needs
conflict survival
God's plan for marriage
how marriages thrive
leaving a legacy

at times the information was overwhelming and very challenging but how else do we grow? i walked away with even more of a desire to be the wife and mother God created me to be. i'm still trying to process all that God showed me. i'm hopeful by writing about it that it stays fresh in my mind and also encourages others in their relationships.

hello, old friend

goodness, life has finally caught up with me! i haven't had time to blog like i would like but i'm trying to get back into the groove. i love to write and always have, so having a blog has always been cathartic for me. it's an outlet for me to express myself freely and creatively. so i'm glad to be back writing again and sharing my thoughts on life and my relationship with Christ. i hope you'll come along with me on this journey...

my psalm 136

i was inspired after a message sunday about being a "psalm speaker". i have always loved the psalms because of the poetry and musicality of each one. i also have always enjoyed writing. so after the message sunday i was prompted to write my own psalm. one of my favorites at this time of year is psalm 136. here is my version of that psalm from my heart.

I want to thank you, God! You deserve more praise and thanks than I give you.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

God I acknowledge you as my healer, sustainer, savior, creator, friend, and father. You are everything everyone needs.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

It amazes me how you created the skies, the planets and the unseen heavens. Your creation never ceases to amaze me. I am fascinated by your handiwork.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

The oceans roar at your command and are stilled by your whisper. The sound and the smell of the ocean you had in mind. It refreshes my soul. You knew that when you created them!
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

You were with me from the very beginning. You created me uniquely and put your royal crest upon me as your child, a child of the King! Everything that comes my way passes through your hands first. Knowing that gives me great assurance that you are in control.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

Even as our forefathers proclaimed your power in the past, I proclaim your power in the present. You rescued your people and continue to do so today. You are with us every step of the way.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

You took me to the desert and you delivered me through it, literally and figuratively. You drew me to your side and for that I can never thank you enough. You taught me that in order to be like your son, I will have to go through challenges and heartache in life. You never tell us that once we accept you that life will be a bed of roses. If we are to be like Christ, we will suffer like Christ. In this world we face struggles, but HALLELUJAH, you have already overcome the world!
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

I’ve lost my way so many times. I’ve desired things that made you cry. I’ve acted in ways that brought shame to your name. In our world, I would have been disowned but you refuse to let me go. You are there waiting with open arms because you never leave me. Even when I leave you, I can’t escape you.
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

I want to thank you, God! You did it all! You take care of my every need and provide beyond what I could ever hope or ask for. May you receive all the praise for all you have done and continue to do!
You’re love is never-ending. You never fail.

remembering...

it's Memorial Day. it's a time when families gather and bbq. friends get together and swim or go to the beach. it's a time when people focus on their 3 days off. as an Army spouse (retired), i can't help but stop and think of the brave men and women who have given their lives for our freedom and for those who continue to serve and defend our country every day. i am so proud of my husband for serving honorably in the Army for 22 years. he is a patriot. each and every Memorial Day, we as a nation stop and thank those who have served and are currently serving. but how many of us really do that? how many of us forgo the picnic or the party to go to a veteran's hospital or a cemetery? how many of us call those we know who are currently serving or have served before and say "thank you for protecting my freedoms"? it is nice to have a 3 day weekend but let's not forget what it's all about. let's not forget those who don't have the luxury of having a holiday weekend because they are in a war zone. let's not forget that our military men and women are defending the freedoms that we take so easily for granted...you can have an opinion and share it because of those who guard your freedom to do so.

thank you to all the Soldiers, Marines and Airmen for your sacrifice to our country. thank you to all the spouses and family members...you have the toughest job in the military.


In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.